You Know How I Know You’re Gay? You Hate Coldplay.

By Kari G.

By now, most self-proclaimed “clever” college students have accepted Judd Apatow as the messiah, and willingly throw all original thought out the window to quote his films like the Bible. Don’t get me wrong, I praise Apatow just as much as the next film geek for showing people what comedy can be. However, there’s one thing I just can’t forgive Apatow for. The line, “You know how I know you’re gay? You like Coldplay,” from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Though the band’s past album, X&Y, lacked the instrumental and lyrical depth of A Rush of Blood to the Head, Coldplay succeeds in gaining new ground with their fourth album, Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends. The album releases in the United States today, June 17^th.

I decided to download the whole album online before it released so I could write a review of it for all you lucky bitches. Below is a diary-like review of each track as I listened to the album in its entirety. The quartet’s fourth album is their most experimental album musically, yet sticks to their brand of lyrical power that brought records like A Rush of Blood to the Head fans in tidal waves. It’s also their most political album to date, though at times I wished Chris Martin did something other than have Gwenyth Paltrow’s babies to prove he had balls and put some power into the subtle metaphors. Oh well. And now, for the tracks:

1. Life In Technicolor: Chris Martin and Co. told MTV News they planned to put the full version of this track (with lyrics instead of instrumental) on their next album. Regardless, this song is boring me. If you’re going to put an instrumental track on the disc, it better be damn good (see: Explosions in the Sky). Though, in all fairness, the track on the album may be better than the shitty Limewire version I “acquired.” (Don’t sue me!)

2. Cemeteries of London: Getting better. This song features a sort of Spanish flamenco clapping that carries the song past the first minute. After the first song being a yawn, this track sounds like it’ll keep me going. It maintains the old “songs to sing to the rafters” belief Coldplay has, while introducing a new, broader instrumental sound. Much like telling your significant other you love them and then takin’ it to the next level…if you know what I mean…(No?).

3. Lost!: This will most likely my favorite track on the album. And yes, I can already tell. Wait. Let me rephrase that. This will be my favorite track on the album until Timbaland starts making god-awful remixes of it. “Lost!” features a sort of hip-hop back-beat that makes you bob your head to Martin’s lyrics, which will hit home with most listeners. Martin sings to keep on keepin’ on, even when you may be lost or hurt. Emo shit, I know. Yet, the song achieves the sort of power that bands like U2 or REM can carry. And that’s why it’s good.

4. 42: The song opens with haunting vocals that state, “Those who are dead are not dead, they’re just living in my head.” Upon first listen, I found this sentence really annoying and pretentious. However, the song picks up at about 1:35 with a weird, offbeat instrumental that lets Coldplay brag (musically) about how influenced they were by Radiohead’s OK Computer. As a sucker for some Thom Yorke, I’m  hooked. The remaining two minutes of the song are lyrically and instrumentally more interesting than the first, though not quite as strong as “Lost!”

5. Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love: This is a double track. “Lovers in Japan” employs the use of a tack piano, giving the song an unexpected, honky-tonk sort of vibe. The melody sounded like something straight out of the 80s at first (not great), but is helped out by vocals. Still, it seems like it’s trying too hard to be experimental, whereas the simplicity of the track that follows, “Reign of Love,” is much more effective. Someone should’ve told Coldplay that basing a song around the words “honky” and/or “tonk” is never a good idea.

6. Yes/Chinese Sleep Chant: “Yes” is the real name of the song, though it contains a hidden track called “Chinese Sleep Chant.” “Yes” is a curveball that has Chris Martin singing in a lower register, in effect making me a little bit creeped out. Guitarist Johnny Buckland said in an interview that they wanted to switch it up because people, “often get sick of the singer’s voice by the fourth album.” Ooh, burn! Well, Johnny, I have a feeling I’ll get sick of this creepy rapist voice as well. Though it’s a good thought, the song plays off as trying a little too hard. P.S. “Chinese Sleep Chant” is weird. I can barely hear the vocals, but they did that on purpose. Lots of reverb and distortion. Reminding me a little bit of a Radiohead cover band.

7. Viva La Vida: This track is classic Coldplay. And classic iTunes commercial. This song is orchestrated very well and encompasses a lot of what Coldplay stands for lyrically and musically. It replaces guitar and drums with strings and chimes, and is, in a word: epic (though it’s no experiment). My only criticism on this one is…seriously, Chris Martin? Your guys’ dancing couldn’t look gayer in that iTunes commercial. Don’t make me start agreeing with Judd Apatow. Not to mention the drab Sgt. Pepper outfits. If I wasn’t so convinced that Coldplay jerks off to Bono and Thom Yorke, I’d think they were trying to be The Beatles. No one will be. Ever.

8. Violet Hill: This was the first single off of the album. I liked it when I first heard it, though the musical sound is off-putting at first. The guitars hit harder than ever before, and I feel like the new sound threw people off at first. However, I believe the song has a strong political message. Side note: Coldplay released an alternate video for this song online with a bunch of dancing politicians that’s pretty entertaining. Watch for the part where Dick Cheney jumps around like a penguin. Actually, Dick Cheney looks a lot like the Penguin from Batman Returns. Anyone? Here’s the link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=9WqQL5WFN20

9. Strawberry Swing: Probably my second favorite song on the album. The song features a steady handclap throughout the song, as well as what sounds like a Japanese-influenced guitar sound. It’s a refreshing change of pace for the band, as they hold true to their “experimental” goal and break away from the traditional verse-chorus-verse method. I’ll probably put this one on repeat.

10. Death and All His Friends/The Escapist: This song is soothing. It’s got some lyrical depth, especially in the end, where Martin states, “I don’t wanna fight a battle from beginning to end/Don’t wanna cycle recycled revenge/I don’t wanna follow death and all of his friends.” It’s a good song, especially to end on. I feel like it gives the album meaning, and makes some of the slightly more forgettable tracks worth the listen.

Rating: 4.5/5.
Key Tracks: “Strawberry Swing,” “42,” “Death and All His Friends,” and “Lost!”
Final Thoughts: Though I don’t think the band has reached the power of their second album, A Rush of Blood to the Head, I believe they succeeded in making a record that allowed them to experiment and grow as a band while keeping true to their original musical goals. So, go buy the album. If you don’t, you’re gay.